Learning to Love What Is

In which a white-knuckled control freak tries to learn acceptance.

When you remove an object from an infant’s view, they think it ceases to exist entirely. This is why it’s so upsetting for babies when you leave the room or try to put them to sleep alone in a crib. They don’t know you’re standing just outside the door, holding your breath and listening to them fuss, hoping desperately that they’ll finally fall asleep. To them, you’ve ceased to exist. Forever.

Sometime between 4-7 months, however, babies develop something called object permanence. They begin to understand that things continue to exist, even if they can’t see them.

There are many times in my life that I’ve lacked object permanence, not for things precisely, but for life experiences in general.

In my worst moments, I have fallen into the mental trap of believing that whatever I’m experiencing in a particular moment will be what I experience forever. If I don’t have love or money or freedom or happiness now, it has simply ceased to exist for me. I will never have it again. I’ll have to live the rest of my life without it.

It’s the terrifying idea that I’ve “used up” all the good stuff.